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(I’ve been making some for my Etsy shop. Check them out.)
Yesterday, we had to put my cat, BabyKitty, to sleep. It was one of THE hardest things I have ever had to do in my entire life. She had an injury that we just could not even possibly fix with going into serious debt, causing her major stress and discomfort/pain, and even then… no guarantees.
We don’t even know what exactly happened, as the potential injury occurred while we were in the hospital having Garrett. Her poor eye was out of the socket (unknown to us… it wasn’t as horrific looking as it sounds/was) and very swollen. I felt rotten for not taking her to the vet sooner, but with a new baby in the house who had his own medical issues that needed to be attended, the cats were unfortunately placed on the back burner. We hoped that the eye (which at first was just a little inflamed around the third eyelid) would heal up on it’s own… no such luck. However, the vet said unless we had caught it within hours, before the swelling started, the result would have been the same – exploratory surgery to rule out something behind the eye (this may not even have been an injury… it could have been a tumor pushing her eye out… we’ll never know.) and then at least one more surgery to put the eye back in – done by a specialist, not our regular vet. The vet also assured us that she was not in an extraordinary amount of pain – at that time, and her eye was still, miraculously, functioning. By delaying taking her to the vet, we bought her a little more time at home with us. But, had we waited much longer, the results could have been disastrous. (Too much pressure and swelling in the eye, and well… yeah.)
I know some people will go to the end’s of the earth for their pets, and at one point in time, we would have. We once drained our savings for a surgery to repair our boy cat’s broken leg. But now we have a baby at home… and a savings account already being drained by my unpaid maternity leave. But that’s when our cats were our babies. Not that we love them any less now… but your perspective and priorities change when you have a child to care for. Also, when Silas had his leg surgery, watching him recover was heart breaking in and of itself. Leaving him at the vets and coming to visit him the next day was miserable. Pets just do not understand that you are trying to help them with these procedures. There was no way I could leave her there to be worked on without being able to explain to her that it was for her own good… that we would be coming back… that she would get better and feel better… To me, these sorts of things are torturous to the poor things. I feel better knowing that we ended BabyKitty’s pain and suffering before it had a chance to ruin her life. She went peacefully and happily before she knew any better.
Not that it makes the decision any easier. Danny and I were an absolute wreck all day yesterday. I’ve never seen Danny actually cry… tears, yes, but not cry like that. We loved that silly, evil little kitty. We really did.
Rest in Peace, Bika.
So I haven’t been blogging like I said/thought I would. I have a pretty good reason though.
Garrett Mark Jordan was born July 19, 2012 at 4:02 pm. One full month before his due date. He was 6 lbs and 19.5 inches long. A complete surprise to both mommy and daddy that he would come this early, but he’s already made it known that he’s going to do things on HIS terms and nobody else’s. We are so head over heels in love with this little boy. But things haven’t exactly been easy.
I’ll write another post on his actual birth story (probably password protect for those that are not interested in the intricate details of childbirth, but I’ll publicly post that password for those that are interested.) His birth itself was intense and scary and wonderful and not what I expected at all in so many ways. I’ll get to that, but for now I’ll summarize what’s been going on since we got home since that’s what’s weighing on my mind tonight.
As I said, Garrett was born 5 weeks early. For being so early, he was fairly healthy. We had to monitor his blood sugar pretty closely at first, but that cleared up quickly and easily with a few supplements of formula. (If only that was all the formula he needed…. more on that in a bit.) However, then he lost a bit more weight than they would have liked and his bilirubin levels were higher than they would have liked. So we stayed in the hospital for 2 extra days and it looked like things were right on track.
But they weren’t. We’ve been in and out of the pediatrician’s so many times since we brought him home. I don’t think I’ve had more than 3 days without being in there. He lost more weight, and they told me to pump after every feeding and give him more breastmilk in a bottle to top him off. Gotcha. Done. Danny’s mom was with us for 10 days and together her and I got him to gain an ounce a day for four days, bringing him up to 5 lbs 11 oz. (He went down to 5 lbs 7 oz in the hospital, back up to 5 lbs 9 oz when we left, but down to 5 lbs 7 oz again once we went back to the doctor’s for a weight check). His bilirubin levels were still high-ish but not a problem. It looked great for awhile, but then after subsequent weight and bilirubin checks, things haven’t progressed as well since then. His jaundice is coming down and his weight is going up… just SO SLOWLY.
The current plan of action is to feed him formula. Which I loathe. I have perfectly good breastmilk RIGHT HERE and I have to give my kid FORMULA?! *sigh* After a brief ugly cry in the doctor’s office, they did decide to let me alternate nursing and bottle feeding. Which made me somewhat happy, but stilll. Ugh. Formula. It’s a great option for many families… some people just can’t breastfeed. But my boobies are working fine! (We hope. Small chance that my breastmilk, for whatever reason, isn’t containing enough calories.) Our current diagnosis is that his jaundice (still at an 11.something) is preventing him from growing properly. The formula should help that go away, and then he’ll start GROWING on just mommy’s milk. We hope hope hope. Other things to rule out are metabolic issues, etc. with Garrett. But it’s more than likely this yucky jaundice. He had so many risk factors for it, it was almost inevitable that he’d have problems. (Family history – I had it as a baby. Bruising at birth. Prematurity. Breastfed.)
Needless today, I was in a pretty foul mood most of the day yesterday. (When I started writing this post. It takes awhile when you’ve got a baby to care for!) I’ve cried a lot since he was born (mostly happy, hormonal tears) but yesterday was the worst. I vowed that today would just be about resting and baby snuggles. I did put baby laundry away, but aside from that.. just rest. Feels good.
So, once again, I am starting a new blog. Will I actually blog for real this time, and stick with it? Hard to say. But a few of my friends are getting back into it (or, never left. Pat on the back to YOU guys.) So of course, I want to be a part of the cool kid club. And I have things to say, ya’ll!
Some of you may know, I was sporadically blogging on my blogger account until quite recently. But I’ve decided to make a move to WordPress. Why? One reason, and one reason alone – password protected posting. I needs it. Not that I don’t love you guys and want to share all of my life with you always, it’s just that…. well, I don’t love ALL of you guys and want to share all of my life with you always. Sorry.
For real though. Chances are, anyone who has the desire to read this blog will have no issue whatsoever with the things I have to say. BUT. There are some people out there who might. And I’d just rather not have those people read these things. Mostly, it’s things I’d like to vent about and maybe get some feedback on from people, but it’s too lengthy of topics to post on twitter. Really, that’s about it. Also possibly some things about my job (doubtful) and quite possibly some things about babies that not everyone might want to hear about. I’m totally aware that most people who find me online are cricket folk, and I’m fine with that. I don’t want to be a private blogger. I’m okay with being in the public eye. But I know that people who are looking for cricket related stuff prrrrrrrobably don’t want to read about childbirth and breastfeeding and that sort of thing. So rather than keep a mommy blog and a more casual blog, I’ll just password protect *those* posts so no one who doesn’t want to read them will by accident. Sound good? Hope so, cause it sounds good to me!